Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
