Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
