About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
