I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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