and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
