I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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