Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
