did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
