i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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