Got a toothbrush?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
