I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
