I'm going to jail i love you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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