you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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