I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
