I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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