hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
