there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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