need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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