I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
