you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
