He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
