told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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