I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
