hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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