I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
