Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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