I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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