pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
