Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
