take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
