**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
