She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
