remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
