bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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