Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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