Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
