My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
