I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's rum buckets o'clock
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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