Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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