apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wish there were birth control emojis
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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