Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
