im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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