I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
