we have pet lesbian snakes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
