Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
