yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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