woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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