Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
