I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
