Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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