I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
