he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
