Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
