Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
