Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
