I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is my gift to your gina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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