We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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