Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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