After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize