Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize