not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
