Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
