and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
