she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
