Cold hands, warm shart.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
