I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
