I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
