I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
