My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
