i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
